Red Bull Lawsuit Storm Strikes, Children May Take Flight

Mutants! Can you believe it? Mutants is what the FDA is claiming are the results of too much Red Bull abuse amongst pregnant mothers. Several birth defects have been linked with the popular energy drink – children are being born with wing-like growths on their backs. Red Bull is in panic mode and is preparing for the onslaught of lawsuits on the way.

FDA lawyer Gavin Tyson fights back, “There is no basis for a lawsuit, because there are no damages,” explained Tyson. “So far the only allegations are that this product gives children wings. Have you ever met a child who did NOT want wings?”

Maybe Red Bull has nothing to worry about.

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I mean, isn’t the whole “it gives you wings” Red Bull’s slogan anyway? Would you mind your child growing up with a pair of wings? Imagine how much you can save on airfares alone. Imagine the checks from your child appearing on late-night talk shows. Discuss.

Kenneth G. Marks is a Personal Injury Lawyer serving Orange County California for over 30 years. He loves oatmeal baths: